When you and your partner don't see eye to eye with money.
 

Nicole,

Thanks for your e-mail. You have done well to ask this question now and not later on when there is resentment and anger (not to mention bankruptcy and divorce) over what might have been!

It is EXTREMELY rare to find two people in a relationship who are both on the same page when it comes to money. There is almost always one who ends up with the responsibility of looking after the money and it is usually the other who is more inclined to spend and less inclined to save.

The problem is that neither party really understands why their partner is like they are. E.g. Why are you so hell-bent on saving? or Why are you so worried about spending? or Why can't you see that we need to save for the future?

It is very difficult for this to change because as human beings we are all different and have different things that we are good at and bad at. If both of you are prepared to at least take the time to sit down and work out a way to satisfy both personalities then there is a good chance a successful system can be achieved. On the other hand, if one is just not interested and refuses to change (or even listen), then there is definitely trouble on the way!

The secret, as I see it, is for the family budget to give both partners as much of what they want as possible. You must have a family budget of course, and it should cover the basic expenses that are essential. Then there needs to be some money that is totally for each person to spend (or save) as they please. If your husband is not interested in saving but is happy to let you manage the budget, then you should get him to agree to sit down with you while you prepare the budget so he can see what you are up against. If you use the Simply Budgets Personal Edition software you will be able to see a year into the future and together you will be able to see exactly what is coming before you get there. You will see when your tight times occur and when you have surplus. You will also know how much spare money you actually have. There is nothing like actually looking into a crystal ball and seeing your future before you get there to get your partner to be more co-operative!

I would suggest that one solution to the issue would be that an amount of money for your husband is included in the budget as a transfer to a totally separate bank account that has a Visa Debit card attached. That is his money and he can spend it until the card won't work. Then he has to wait till next week for more money. Don't let him have a Credit Card as that could be the cause of great hardship for the whole family.

If the problem is bigger than just managing weekly cashflow and he wants to be out making bigger purchases all the time (cameras, computers, cars, bikes, ipods....) then you have a whole different ballgame on your hands!

Environment and friends play a big part in the problem. If you hang around the shopping centres then you will have a hard time controlling the problem. Suggest alternative week-end activities! Also suggest joining a club such as Rotary or Lions where there are successful business people who may have a positive financial influence.

I would see it as a high priority to organise a direct transfer that takes money from the pay packet and deposits it into a term deposit that can't be accessed easily. If the money never arrives it won't be missed. That way, even if living from pay to pay is the only thing that your husband can manage, there will actually be saving occurring in spite of him.

As I see it, the danger in your situation is allowing your husband to have access to money that does not exist. If he has a Credit Card, get rid of it and replace it with a Debit Card as I suggested earlier! Something else that might help would be a visit to a Financial Planner to prepare an overall plan for your future (something that might also give him a wakeup call).

I hope this helps. Please let me know if there is something that I have missed that really needs addressing.


Regards
David Wright

 

I see people all the time who have partners who are a major liability! In some cases the partners are uncontrollable and I really feel sorry for them. Hopefully in Nicole's case she can set up systems that protect the family from financial problems and a happy compromise can be found. Of course I also see some people who are so paranoid about spending money that they would be impossible to live with as well!